YOUR STEP-BY-STEP DILATING GUIDE!

1. DILATORS: GET TO KNOW THEM

Dilator is a fancy word but it doesn’t have to be a fancy or expensive instrument. You may find that someone else may use the words ‘vaginal trainers,’ ‘spacers,’ and dilators interchangeably. They are all the same thing.

Dilators can be bought online, in some stores, or can be given to you by a health care provider. You can also use household objects such as q-tips, tampons, candles, vegetables, or your your own fingers. Some people also use vibrators or dildos.

Since vaginismus can stem from a phobia of having ANYTHING inserted in the vagina, it would be normal if you felt at best a little uncomfortable when you first hear that one of the best treatments to cure a phobia of having something inserted, is to insert something!
Just like it happens whenever the technique of systematic desensitization is used, the thing that is the most scary to us, (say a big spider, international flight etc.) will be dealt with only as a last step, whereas the first ones we'll be exposed to will be very very tiny and not too scary at all.
But yes, if you focus on the final step, you may think "NO WAY!".. The biggest dilator in particular can look a little intimidating.

I still remember when I was first told, in my support group, that the best way to treat vaginismus was that of inserting dilators and when I saw a picture of them.
I cried my heart out...
I rushed into the toilet and fell on the floor sobbing and it was unstoppable.. I remember feeling that admitting that I needed the help of those "things" meant admitting that I wasn't "normal", that I could not have had a first time like other girls have, and that the first thing entering me would not have been a penis but an ugly-looking, cold, plastic thing.. Also, the biggest ones just looked impossibly big to me, I had a hard time inserting a tampon, so I really didn't believe that huge thing could have entered such a tiny space, or not without hurting me anyway..

Thankfully I was just lacking self-confidence and vulva-knowledge, as I realized most of us vag. girls do before we start educating ourselves about this problem...

It also took me some time and support before I realized that first of all I could have used fingers or other more friendly-looking objects and not necessarily those plastic or silicone things.

Also, I soon started seeing the whole process of dilating not as a struggle to treat something horrible, but as a way to own my vagina and get to know her, which was an AMAZING experience.

And finally, as soon as I gradually moved from the first tiniest finger to a bigger one, the look of the biggest dilator no longer seemed that impossible and scary to me.

So if you feel that way or similarly, you are not alone. Just leave the biggest dilator aside for the moment. No need to focus on that one just yet. Just focus on the tiniest dilator (or finger or q-tip) you'll decide to start with...

If you joined a support group for vaginismus, you’ll find out how common these initial emotions are. You deserve total understanding from the people around you. You're not a chicken or a child. We can just suggest that you take ALL the time you need to get comfortable with the IDEA of dilators first, and only then move on to more practical steps. There is no rush...
Ideally you will be at this step only after having a clear understanding of the anatomy of your vagina and hymen and knowing a bit about vaginismus and its misconceptions. If you haven’t, it’s not surprising that dilators may sound a little scary, so if the idea of dilators still makes you highly uncomfortable, that’s ok. You may want to take some time to browse around the website a bit more or you can join a support group where you can share your concerns.

Hopefully with time you will feel confident enough to try the first steps. You don't have to feel 100% positive... It will be normal to feel a little anxious and skeptical at the beginning. We hope that the tips here and some tender loving care to your vagina will unlock your terrific potential and help you bloom. You can do it. We all thought we couldn't. And yes, we all thought our case was a hopeless one. But give your vagina a chance to show you what knowledge and love can do.